no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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