??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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