I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You have to summon your inner elephant
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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