I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize