You don't have asthma, your pregnant
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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