Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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