I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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