She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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