remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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