The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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