i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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