i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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