Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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