Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
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you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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