The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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