I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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