Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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