I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
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I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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