i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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