Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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