so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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