I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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