They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize