He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
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I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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