turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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