My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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