i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
