Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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