I just pynch a tree in the face
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
