He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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