why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
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Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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