The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize