I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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