so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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