I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize