Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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