He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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