Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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