After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
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idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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