The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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