scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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