Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize