i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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