Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (562)

Last Night in California (562)

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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.

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(562): It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice. http://tfl.nu/vbsf

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I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset

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(562): I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset http://tfl.nu/nrla

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youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.

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(562): youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period. http://tfl.nu/nfk9

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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend

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(562): she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ejvb

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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics

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(562): Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics http://tfl.nu/ne8m

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I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.

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(562): I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible. http://tfl.nu/uxem

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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.

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(562): Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek. http://tfl.nu/3lde

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it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with

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(562): it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with http://tfl.nu/2rwe

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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.

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(562): you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/7o6u

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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.

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(562): I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight. http://tfl.nu/kfwj

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sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone

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there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue

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(562): sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone (1-562): there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue http://tfl.nu/8olm

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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.

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You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.

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Well someones bitter they didn't get any.

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(714): Hahaha you puked all over his shirt. (562): You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch. (714): Well someones bitter they didn't get any. http://tfl.nu/4mgl

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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.

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(562): I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex. http://tfl.nu/ik0l

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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi

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(562): cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi http://tfl.nu/kis8

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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

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(562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i

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Last Night in California (562)

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