Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (562)

Last Night in California (562)

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well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed

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(562): well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed http://tfl.nu/ggi5

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Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.

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(562): Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid. http://tfl.nu/2ztg

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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.

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(562): Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester. http://tfl.nu/c099

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WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?

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(562): WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution? http://tfl.nu/1mlt

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guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".

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(562): guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing". http://tfl.nu/0ckl

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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?

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Whatever it is you failed

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(562): I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean? (714): Whatever it is you failed http://tfl.nu/fjub

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as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.

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(562): as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment. http://tfl.nu/n398

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The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.

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(562): The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night. http://tfl.nu/3w1s

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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.

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(562): The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend. http://tfl.nu/pf8e

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don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.

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(562): don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you. http://tfl.nu/zbku

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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.

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(562): He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break. http://tfl.nu/ad1k

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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.

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(562): I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me. http://tfl.nu/m5b0

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Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night

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(562): Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night http://tfl.nu/t1ll

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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.

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(562): I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy. http://tfl.nu/l30m

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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service

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And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.

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(562): I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service (562): And I got $4 when somebody made it rain. http://tfl.nu/btbw

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Last Night in California (562)

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