Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Minnesota (763)

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  Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet

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  (763): Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet http://tfl.nu/ppas
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  Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave

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  (763): Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave http://tfl.nu/o1tg
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  Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.

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  (763): Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits. http://tfl.nu/o3v5
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  After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended

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  (763): After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended http://tfl.nu/x97c
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  using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think

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  (763): using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think http://tfl.nu/9ucc
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  I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.

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  (763): I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts. http://tfl.nu/j2dd
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  Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.

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  (763): Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/r7p2
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  Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.

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  (763): Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/2fqf
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  lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...

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  (763): lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab... http://tfl.nu/1m3b
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  He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.

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  (763): He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening. http://tfl.nu/7ub3
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  Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...

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  (763): Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg... http://tfl.nu/nasy
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  Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue

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  (763): Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue http://tfl.nu/sfb5
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  someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless

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  (763): someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless http://tfl.nu/hdeq
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  i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover

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  (763): i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover http://tfl.nu/a65k
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  The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.

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  (763): The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet. http://tfl.nu/fwq9
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