Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Minnesota (763)

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  i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.

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  (920): i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat" (763): and this is why you're my favorite gay friend. http://tfl.nu/djrx
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which

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  (763): My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which http://tfl.nu/haqi
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  pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.

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  (763): pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/e4q8
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...

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  (763): Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana... http://tfl.nu/pyu2
  Replies (21) Good night (1728) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
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  After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.

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  (763): After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer. http://tfl.nu/6vsc
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine

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  (763): Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine http://tfl.nu/hxv4
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  Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye

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  (763): Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye http://tfl.nu/6gyi
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  My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...

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  (763): My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home... http://tfl.nu/n3b5
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  We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"

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  (763): We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!" http://tfl.nu/13ym
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  she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.

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  (763): she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick. http://tfl.nu/by59
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  2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  and u failed math?

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  (651): 2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people (763): and u failed math? http://tfl.nu/331s
  Replies (20) Good night (2726) Bad night (527)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away

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  (763): My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away http://tfl.nu/xlij
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  It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language

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  (763): It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language http://tfl.nu/6vub
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby

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  (763): I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby http://tfl.nu/ll5m
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.

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  (763): Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/4ttc
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