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am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
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