Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Minnesota (218)

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  My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.

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  (218): My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery. http://tfl.nu/81gc
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  Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4

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  (218): Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4 http://tfl.nu/3h2w
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  At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?

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  (218): At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me? http://tfl.nu/x27k
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  i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point

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  (218): i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point http://tfl.nu/qeeg
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  i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again

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  (218): i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again http://tfl.nu/hrm5
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  My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.

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  (218): My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick. http://tfl.nu/r953
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  Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?

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  (218): Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube? http://tfl.nu/2h8u
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  He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity

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  (218): He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity http://tfl.nu/7l4i
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  Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.

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  (218): Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/7bi7
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  It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.

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  (218): It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited. http://tfl.nu/4qpj
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  I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.

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  (218): I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vjch
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  No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.

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  (218): No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating. http://tfl.nu/5a1l
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  I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.

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  (218): I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent. http://tfl.nu/0vft
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  His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.

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  His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.

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  (218): His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place. (612): His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants. http://tfl.nu/9orv
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  Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears

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  (218): Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears http://tfl.nu/spts
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