Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Minnesota (218)

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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.

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  ew wtf

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  (218): Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed. (763): ew wtf http://tfl.nu/st4c
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  Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about

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  (218): Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about http://tfl.nu/idfh
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  i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me

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  (218): i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me http://tfl.nu/gpjb
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  I threw up into my coffee this morning.

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  (218): I threw up into my coffee this morning. http://tfl.nu/fytz
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  Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.

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  (218): Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace. http://tfl.nu/81g3
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  I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.

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  (218): I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care. http://tfl.nu/yew2
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  Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?

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  (218): Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'? http://tfl.nu/wgpy
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk

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  (218): No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/i2q3
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  Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.

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  (218): Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job. http://tfl.nu/z804
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  It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.

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  (218): It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter. http://tfl.nu/rje4
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  My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.

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  (218): My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles. http://tfl.nu/kfaj
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  No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.

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  (218): No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises. http://tfl.nu/ig53
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.

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  (218): I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot. http://tfl.nu/z5np
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  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

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  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
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  He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.

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  (218): He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small. http://tfl.nu/riyf
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