Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (951)

Last Night in California (951)

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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".

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(951): He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later". http://tfl.nu/gid9

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You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.

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This is the first time I'm hearing this information.

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(951): You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you. (1-951): This is the first time I'm hearing this information. http://tfl.nu/wdlz

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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.

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(951): I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day. http://tfl.nu/elsi

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I'm sorry I peed on your everything.

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(951): I'm sorry I peed on your everything. http://tfl.nu/ktzg

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DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness

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(951): DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness http://tfl.nu/qa2j

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diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.

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(951): diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me. http://tfl.nu/ieik

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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.

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(951): I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement. http://tfl.nu/1khp

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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?

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...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...

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(951): Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch? (951): ...and then running into your dad at said grocery store... http://tfl.nu/jg4u

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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited

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dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles

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(951): omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited (951): dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles http://tfl.nu/4z6p

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Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?

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(951): Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win? http://tfl.nu/8vq4

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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.

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(951): Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem. http://tfl.nu/85aq

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I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.

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(951): I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them. http://tfl.nu/loif

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Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.

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(951): Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails. http://tfl.nu/29ec

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She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.

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(951): She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer. http://tfl.nu/6dwb

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I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.

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(951): I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting. http://tfl.nu/326h

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Last Night in California (951)

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